Forgive me for restating the obvious. It is really very simple. Rape, domestic violence, child abuse, depression, addictions, chronic anxiety, fear, rage, most chronic diseases; diabetes, obesity, Alzheimer’s, many hormonal cancers; breast, testicular, heart disease, ALS, attention disorders, bullying, gangs, male-female inequity, poverty, the failure of education, corporate exploitation of human beings and the environment, you get the point, are expressions of failed or impaired capacity to relate nonviolently with other human beings, society, culture and with nature. All are attachment disorders, attachment being attuned, empathic, respectful, caring relationships.

Walking to the studio at dawn on this the first day of my sixty-fifth spin, I mused; ‘what a wonderful morning to die.’ No, this is not some morbid depress-wish. It is complete amazement at the wonder, the beauty and constant newness each breath brings.

It breaks my heart to see the propaganda. The Number One On-Line Anything for Children Age Two complete with college cap and diploma. This happy, smiling fake mouse magically appeared signing off from Facebook. How many hits; 892,469 likes and 50,017 talking about? How many young parents have been lured by the Hurried Child, Baby Einstein, early is better, screen time is educational, get junior off to a good, NO the best possible start, to keep up with the neighbors and the dumb-down standards, competing for that coveted position at the XYZ Preschool hoping she will make the cut.

They say, breast is best. Well, duhhh. But wait, I’m a guy. What do I know? The overarching question is why have a baby? Hormones, of course. No one can win an argument with hormones. There is only one correct answer, to nurture the healthiest, happiest, most awake, aware, sensitive and responsive human being possible. Having a baby is all about the baby. It is the ultimate ‘giving back.’

Carly, born Tuesday, July 29, 2014. Today is Friday, November 14, 2014, 108 days, almost three and a half months new depending on how we calculate the equinox. There is a distilling of awareness and attention, a distinct and growing capacity to balance, to see, to be startled by a sharp sound or emotion and reaching to grasp. Carly’s attention, how stimulation moves from her eyes into her brain creating intention, extending down her arm, past the elbow and wrist to the outreached hand, tiny fingers grasping is today’s lesson.

Ouch, too hot, said Goldilocks, pain. Ouch, too cold. Ahhhh, just right, she said, pleasure. As I have come to understand, mostly due to my twenty-year friendship with James W. Prescott, PhD, pleasure and pain rest at the foundation of our development as human beings. We are drawn to and seek experiences that are comforting, pleasurable and we avoid, withdraw from sensations that are painful. Not very complicated, obvious, but we forget.

In the quiet moments when Carly melts into my arms there is attunement, resonance, shared meaning, trust, respect, appreciation, curiosity, wonder, all moving, changing and so much more, embodied, nonverbal, silent. This silent, reciprocal attunement is the essence of bonded-attachment and that creates a safe-place for play.

Attachment Parenting International and Touch the Future both began 20 years ago. Both were inspired by the same vision; kids are not the problem, the self-world view each child develops and therefore society is model and experience dependent and parents are the primary model and the experience.

Post World War Two changes pulled the extended family rug out from under parents. Grandma was absent, boomer moms were chasing Valium with gin and tonic, babies were separated by technological births and never quite got the connection right, TV was the sitter and compulsory schooling began earlier and earlier to name just a few.

With Corrected Video Links
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19 September, 2014

Michael

Congratulations on an extraordinary post, one tht brings academia (abstractions) into the real (sensory) world.