Violence is Failed Bonding/Attachment - Continued


 

Violence is Failed Bonding/Attachment - Continued
Two key points: violence, along with a long list of other maladies; depression, ADHD, addiction, chronic stress related diseases, child abuse, domestic violence and rape are expressions of failed or impaired attachment AND the biological fact that males are more vulnerable than females focus our attention sharply. At least it should, but often doesn’t, which is indeed curious. For some strange reason the closer we tread to the heart of violence the more our attention is distracted, rendering us less capable of embracing and embodying the truth.

Themes: 
abuse-neglect
bonding
brain
pleasure
violence

Violence is a Failure of Bonding/Attachment

bonding and violence


We, or at least I, often rationalize violence. After all, it is normal to pound a fist or scream when frustrated and angry. Anger is normal. Einstein’s protégée, David Bohm, defined violence as any excessive use of force. Slamming a car door when one could gently close it. Violence is natural. Or is it?

Applying Gabor Mate’s insight into addictions: The question isn’t why the addiction. The real question is; why the pain?

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Themes: 
abuse-neglect
bonding
brain
violence

We are the Sorcerer’s Apprentice

Human development is ‘model dependent.’ Every generation stands upon the shoulders of the previous. Nature assumes that the adult model, each individual and the collective culture, is sane, intelligent and wise. She could not do otherwise.

Unquestioned acceptance of the given was Piaget’s observation. That is nature’s agenda.  And it worked perfectly for billions of years until the neocortex evolved and with it the capacity to imagine. Imagination is the most powerful tool in the known universe.  Ah, but what if the user hasn’t a clue what it is or how to use it – sanely, consciously? We all then become the Sorcerer’s Apprentice.

Themes: 
brain
culture
imagination
parenting
violence

To Me or Not to Me?

If there is a single force that generates inequality, violence and war throughout the world, other than the Central Bank, I vote for the self-image we create gazing up for assurance and approval as infants. At this early stage of development what emerges from that glance is not a fixed image, rather feelings: of acceptance, of care, welcoming, understanding, empathy, encouragement or their opposites; rejection, anger, frustration, neglect and the various forms of abuse.

Over time the repetition of these feelings coalesce, merge and form predictable patterns and these in turn create the scaffolding upon which our social identity is formed. Belonging means survival. Rejection could mean death. So we began to judge our worth and value based on the emotional reactions we experience in the mirror of our primary relationship.

Being accepted and maintaining the bond or attachment with mother extends to father, siblings, extended family, tribe and village. Instead of glances our value is based on comparison; our score, grade point average, nationality, race, profession, political party, social status, cast, club, gang, and religion. Our identity and self-worth are sculpted by the selfish needs of these social groups and within each sub-group is a pecking order forged by comparison, allegiance, obedience and conformity. Conflict, greed and war are implicit in this structure and this structure is based on mental-emotional images that forge our identity.

Themes: 
bonding
culture
parenting
praise/rewards
self image
violence

For Whom The Bell Tolls

We are again stunned by a shocking tragedy. How can such a thing happen? The roots of today’s violence were sewn long ago. At the beginning, when the seeds of pain and violence were created through neglect, comparison, not being seen, birth trauma and everyday abuse, constantly feeling compared, judged, told no, not being touched or touched violently, not being understood and responded to as we are, authentically – here is where the preventive response must be. Not gun control, not more prisons, not castrating the rapist – not more pain for an already tortured global body and psyche. We must respond but at the root, at the beginning by preventing these painful, violent neurons from forming.

James W. Prescott, PhD, has been researching and writing about the Origins of Love and Violence for fifty years: “You won’t find a violent individual in prison who has been breastfeed for 2.5 years or longer.” Years ago Joseph Chilton Pearce wrote a chapter in Magical Child: A Time Bomb in the Nursery. David B. Chamberlain, PhD, author of Babies Remember Birth and The Mind of Your Newborn Baby summed it up: “The way we treat babies is how those babies will treat the world.” Primal researcher and innovator of water birth Michel Odent, MD, uses the phrase; “A chronic and global diminished capacity to love.” “It is the environment not the genes,” says Bruce Lipton, PhD, author of The Biology of Belief and Spontaneous Evolution.

Themes: 
abuse-neglect
culture
environment
parenting
violence

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