To Me or Not to Me?

If there is a single force that generates inequality, violence and war throughout the world, other than the Central Bank, I vote for the self-image we create gazing up for assurance and approval as infants. At this early stage of development what emerges from that glance is not a fixed image, rather feelings: of acceptance, of care, welcoming, understanding, empathy, encouragement or their opposites; rejection, anger, frustration, neglect and the various forms of abuse.

Over time the repetition of these feelings coalesce, merge and form predictable patterns and these in turn create the scaffolding upon which our social identity is formed. Belonging means survival. Rejection could mean death. So we began to judge our worth and value based on the emotional reactions we experience in the mirror of our primary relationship.

Being accepted and maintaining the bond or attachment with mother extends to father, siblings, extended family, tribe and village. Instead of glances our value is based on comparison; our score, grade point average, nationality, race, profession, political party, social status, cast, club, gang, and religion. Our identity and self-worth are sculpted by the selfish needs of these social groups and within each sub-group is a pecking order forged by comparison, allegiance, obedience and conformity. Conflict, greed and war are implicit in this structure and this structure is based on mental-emotional images that forge our identity.

Themes: 
bonding
culture
parenting
praise/rewards
self image
violence

Just Listen

It begins very early, perhaps with the first spark of life; relationship, connection, a drive to resonate with life and especially with forms just like us. We call it family, bonding, attachment. But we get so confused, all that chattering in our head and the obsession that others must hear those voices too. We want to be seen, felt, understood and appreciated. So we tell them, all the time.

That is one side of the communion dynamic, sharing who we are this moment. The other side is observing and listening. One side has a need to be known and the other has a need to know. These two sides of the communication coin are very different.

Of course, we know what it feels like to want to be seen, appreciate and understood. As a baby we look up and smile, hoping that others will smile too. We scribble paint on a slip of paper, hold it up, and say ‘look.’ Most adulterated adults – I call them dults – look at the paper and begin their predictable rant; ‘Oh, isn’t that nice. Look at how big the sky is.’ ‘Is that the sky?’ ‘People don’t have three heads.’ Inside the child sits whispering to him or herself, ‘No Mommy. Look at me. Look at what I did.’

Themes: 
bonding
communication
parenting

Pleasure is BAD Get Over It

The Time cover Mom Enough, marked the 20th anniversary of The Baby Book by William Sears, MD, labeling attachment parenting practices such as child-led weaning as “extreme.” No surprise, expected really, by echoing a professional party line dating back over 100 years times ten and more.

Please review and share the fabulous re-shoot and Pathways Family Wellness Magazine follow-up on Times most provocative cover story in decades.

To understand why, first realize that a woman’s body was built, among other tings, for pleasure. In a culture where pleasure is BAD pleasure becomes a commodity, something to be possessed, sold and controlled, especially by males whose normal sensory development has been retarded resulting in a cultural hyper-need-response to what is deprived, driving up the value and the compulsive need to possess and control it.

Ashley Montague notes in the Dehumanization of Man (and Woman via children), ‘the central issue of Western thought and civilizations is freedom vs. control.’ In 1932 with the publication of Brave New World, Aldous Huxley predicted an increasing and rapid centralization of power and control, not through oppression and terror, we have that too, but rather through the subtler devices of conditioning, persuasion, new drugs and distraction. What does rapid centralization of power and control have to do with breast feeding and equally intimate circumcision?

Themes: 
birth
bonding
brain
breastfeeding
circumcision
culture
parenting
pleasure
sensory deprivation
violence

She Knew She Was Worth More...

she knew

Strolling to the office, a plaque rested in a merchant’s window.

She Knew She Was Worth More Than Babies...

Worth more than babies? What could possibly be worth more, be a higher calling, the greatest and life changing challenge anyone, man or woman will face than caring, nurturing, uplifting, inspiring, encouraging the greater good of evolution’s billion year creative effort, the human being?

Themes: 
bonding
culture
parenting

The Greatest Show On Earth…

greatest show


Celebrating Fathers 2012

One becomes two. The teen suddenly looks at girls (in my case) and girls look at boys - differently. Needs and powerful longing for something deeper lead to becoming a father, like it or not.

It has been my joy and great honor to be a father. Through the experience one sees how the entire process of becoming a human being, or anything for that matter, unfolds.

Bonding is primal, not at all intellectual. Women, if they are paying attention, get IT much more directly, under their skin. The radiance of a new being pulsing and moving deep inside.

Themes: 
bonding
parenting

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