Celebrating Fathers 2012

One becomes two. The teen suddenly looks at girls (in my case) and girls look at boys - differently. Needs and powerful longing for something deeper lead to becoming a father, like it or not.

It has been my joy and great honor to be a father. Through the experience one sees how the entire process of becoming a human being, or anything for that matter, unfolds.

Bonding is primal, not at all intellectual. Women, if they are paying attention, get IT much more directly, under their skin. The radiance of a new being pulsing and moving deep inside.

For guys, if all the cultural masks are pushed away, they discover a deep feeling of care with its protection and wanting no harm to come to this new being or this woman now more radiant than ever. And upon this - the dance begins, father and child learning everything again together, mostly nonverbal.

The child watches and brails their way, learning and changing from the inside out. He or she is like a psyche radio attuned to the frequency of mother and then father. Every thought, feeling and movement broadcasts its meaning. The infant-child is surrounded, inside and out, by this ever-changing field of meaning and hope. And the parents, if they too are listening, are surrounded by the lessons the child shares. Life is relationship.

Telepathy is best, instantaneous, direct, and crystal clear. Every parent knows (or certainly should know), that a silent and profound conversation is always taking place. When more is needed facial gestures and the body send their feeling messages. And then comes the wonderful world of storytelling with its enchantment. Every word, phrase and sentence is a story focused by the body, resonating the heart and mind’s intent.

Being a father opens the door to this triad. Empathy, care and deep listening set the stage. Wanting no harm, especially harm done by one’s own misguided feelings or needs, awakens new levels of mindful attention. Care for the child, wanting to model only the highest, the very best, appreciating this formative dialogue is taking place 24/7, becomes the master teacher and we enculturated males, blind in so many feeling-ways, begin to see ourselves as we really are.

What a gift - ripping off the masks that separate us from ourselves and the people we try to love.

I have learned so much on this journey, mostly about myself.
My life, who I am, would be completely different had I not.

Then you are big.

Michael Mendizza