bonding

The point is maintaining relationship – not connecting something that is broken.

The terms bonding and attachment imply separation, to bond, connect, glue together separate parts. Life is relationship. We are never separate, except in our minds.

We are the light, the air, the water, the nutrients, the heat, the vibration, gravity, ever-changing movement and much more. The human body and brain is defined by the environment. Each mirrors the other. But we forget. The deeper reality and challenge is to prevent this ongoing, dynamic and reciprocal connection from being broken.

Joseph Chilton Pearce and I were exploring the root cause of our social and political calamity. Joe lamented that nature’s agenda during pregnancy, birth and the sensitive postnatal period – doesn’t happen. What could be fails to unfold. ‘Houston, we have a problem.’ See: http://ttfuture.org/files/2/members/esa_jcp_biology_culture.pdf

Compassion? Wisdom?
Sorry, no one by that name lives here...

My son recently graduated from college. He could have been one of these UC Davis students. The well fed skin-head on the right is the riot clad officer hosing our children with pepper spray as they sit, Gandhi style, arm in arm, nonviolently. This act, not by students but by our friend the civil mercenary, and others like it around the world (see below), rips the thin skin of civility off our eyes. Serving and protecting, yes, but who and what? Watching his unaffected cruelty, like food poisoning, vomits up the question, How could he do such a thing?

In 1981 when a friend was nearly raped and murdered by a stalking stranger I asked the same question, Why would a man do such a thing? How can a man who supposedly loves his wife beat her so violently it caused brain damage? Or a coach, scream at an eight year old for dropping a ball? Violence is so easy, so natural. Or is it?

Years ago friend and author Howard Bloom introduced me to the works of James W. Prescott, PhD. In a breathtaking book called the Lucifer Principle Howard takes us on a tour of human nature down through the ages and explains how violence is in our blood, how in many ways we breed violence. Plant a child in a violence producing culture and you will get a violent adult. The opposite is also true. Plant a child in nurturing, affectionate, pleasurable rich soil and you get an empathic, intelligent and perhaps even a compassionate culture. I wonder how nurtured, playfully touched, and unconditionally accepted our pepper spraying officer was as a child?

In light of increasing militarized police activities, that I hope we have all been watching, I asked Howard if I could share the chapter in the Lucifer Principle focusing on Prescott’s works. He said yes, of course. Violence is easy and so natural. So are empathy, wisdom, real intelligence and compassion. Please see for yourself.

The Importance of Hugging – Why some cultures seem abnormally prone to revel in violence?

A personal note about current events and our kids…

Freedom and any form of democracy depend on you and I being informed. The Germans were well informed in 1933, but as you know, their information was cherry-picked, censored, opinion replaced facts.

After WWII the Nuremberg trials revealed how easily the entire population was misled by propaganda. When news is biased (censored or contains propaganda) people are misled. The Fairness Doctrine was established to prevent this from happening in the US. When Reagan, then followed by Clinton, eliminated the Fairness Doctrine religious-political-corporate opinion radio and other one-sided information streams that mimicked news formats emerged, similar to the way Infomercials mimicked documentaries.

Robert F. Kennedy Jr. described how American’s are the most entertained (distracted), least informed people (by design) in the world. What he is saying is that in our era of tsunami floods of information much is intentionally misleading (censored or propaganda). Here is a great example of what this looks like.

The social, economic and yes political forces at work right now have a direct and lasting impact on our children and will for generations; on jobs, food, education, healthcare, retirement, the nature and quality of our local police, civil rights, free speech, the right to privacy, and as of today even ‘innocent until proven guilty’ is on the chopping block, replaced by ‘prolonged detention’ without charges, just suspicion. Back to the Inquisition?

Occupy Wall Street is shining a light on this and corporate-government-media is fighting back using its ‘play-book,’ ignore them, diversion, distraction, show them football and reality TV instead.

What can we do? Don’t rely only on talk radio and corporate media for news. Seek diverse, international news services available on the net. Read the talk by Kennedy. If there is an Occupy Movement in your town, bake some cookies, sit down and have a chat.

Michael Mendizza

PS,
Egyptian security forces, their version of our man in blue, are now using a powerful incapacitating gas against civilian protesters in Tahrir Square casing multiple cases of unconsciousness and epileptic-like convulsions among those exposed. Yippee, more fun than pepper spray, bleeding from the lungs for more than 15 hours. Several deaths have been reported, something our kids can look forward to.

The Judicial-Moral Mind: An appeal to the American Academy of Pediatrics

The Morality of Pain and Pleasure in human relationships defines the Morality of Human Behavior, which is forged during early life experiences. Aristotle (c.350 B.C.) appreciated the reciprocal relationship between pleasure and pain, and recognized that a compulsive search for bodily pleasure originates from a state of bodily discomfort and pain: ‘the care of the body ought to precede that of the soul." (Politica); and "Therefore, the highest good is some sort of pleasure, despite the fact that most pleasures are bad, and, if you like, bad in the unqualified sense of the word." (Nichomachean Ethics, Book 7).

The genital mutilation of children (Circumcision, male and female) is the first moral lesson taught our children: Pain (Violence) is a moral good that is carried throughout life. Moses Maimonides' in The Guide of the Perplexed (circa 1190) stated. “The bodily pain caused to that member is the real purpose of circumcision” (III: 49) and prepares the infant/child for a life of violence and helps define a culture of violence—a Crime Against Humanity. http://www.violence.de/prescott/letters/Levy1945.html
http://www.violence.de/prescott/letters/Our_Two_Cultural_Brains.pdf

The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) will hold its 2011 National Conference & Exhibition from October 15-18, 2001 at the Boston Convention & Exhibition Center. It is timely and urgent that at this meeting the AAP addresses the genital mutilation of children, as an act of torture and mutilation, which is a Crime Against Humanity.

Dr. Judith Palfrey, M.D., Past President, American Academy of Pediatrics was compelled to renounce the AAP Bioethics Committee’s policy statement on Ritual Cutting of Female Minors with the following statement: ”The AAP does not endorse the practice of offering a "clitoral nick”. This minimal pinprick is forbidden under federal law…” (17 May 2010).
http://mgmbill.org/usfgmlaw.htm
http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/125/5/1088.full/reply#pediatrics_el_50189

Judge J. Flaherty (1978). In The Court of Common Pleas of Allegheny County, Pennsylvania. Civil Division. McFall v Shimp, stated in his OPINION: "Forceable extraction of living body tissue causes revulsion to the judicial mind. Such would raise the spectre of the swastika and the Inquisition, reminiscent of the horrors this portends... An Order will be entered denying the request for a preliminary injunction”;; and I would add the Moral Mind. http://www.violence.de/prescott/letters/McFall_v_Shimp.pdf

This is particularly the case when the primary beneficiary are other children, e.g. in Urinary Tract Infections (UTI) that affects only about 2% of the population of male newborns and where better and safer treatments are available; and where surgery has never been historically demonstrated to control for infectious diseases, e.g. HIV/AIDS.

A letter has been written to Lewis R. First, M.D., Editor, PEDIATRICS (1 October 2011) requesting his support in the education of the Pediatric Community concerning these issues by bringing attention to Pediatricians the PETITION TO THE WORLD COURT, THE HAGUE.

This letter to Dr. First and the PETITION TO THE WORLD COURT, THE HAGUE is attached for review by the Pediatric Community.

Click HERE.

“The addict’s reliance on the drug to reawaken her dulled feelings is no adolescent caprice.
The dullness is itself the consequence of an emotional malfunction not of her making.”

Gabor Mate, MD, Author,
In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts, Close Encounters with Addiction

More on Pleasure, Pain and the Developing Brain

The development of each new human being involves the complete evolutionary process of life on the planet. Native traditions recognize and honor this fact. Western civilization, driven by an anti-feminine passion for male intellect does not, thus the classic mind-body split. One self-world view nurtures the deep ecology that we are, the other attempts to dominate and control nature, including our own.

In each of us is the entire process of creation, what Joseph Chilton Pearce calls Evolution’s End. Each stage of development anticipates the past and creates the necessary foundation for the next unknowable leap forward to unfold. The developing fetus in the liquid world of the womb, for example, has no use for lungs and yet creates lungs anticipating an oxygenated environment it ‘knows’ nothing about. The entire spectrum of human development implies this unfolding anticipation and unknowable expectation.

What is bonding, the very heart of species survival or a nice sentiment? Are the experiences we call bonding or attachment the same today as 100 years ago, before commercial interests made it shameful to breastfeed, fetal monitors and surgical-cesarean births? What is the relationship between nurturing and bonding? Do stronger bonds result in greater nurturing? Is reduced bonding a prescription for generational cycles of neglect and abuse? Critical questions are being raised by visionaries in the field of human development. What are the consequences of interfering with bonding and nature’s expectation for nurturing?

After viewing our interview with Jean Liedloff a parent said, ‘Jean talks about the effects of over protective parenting. I am so guilty of this. My son is much more capable when he is on his own than when he knows I am looking. I am wondering how I could undo this?

Great question, join the club.

As Jean pointed out in the swimming pool example, when the child does not know the parent was looking, the child demonstrated their true capacity. When the child feels a parent is watching – they express the adult’s helpless expectations. And this pattern is established very early. It becomes a reflex.

The guiding principal is to ‘assume competence’ from the beginning. Then the child’s innate capacity and the adult’s expectation are in sync instead of being in conflict. Imaging what this means lifelong!

The child turns to the adult moment to moment to ‘read’ their relationship to whatever is happening – assuming that the adult’s behavior is intelligent and appropriate. Big assumption here but what else is the child to do?
The adult serves as the child’s compass in uncharted territory. As the child develops the compass must adapt to the needs of what remains unknown to the child. The adult must fine tune his or her emphasis to match the developmental needs of each child. One shoe definitely does not fit all.

A compass is not a ‘teacher.’ Modeling is not ‘teaching’ nor is it ‘instruction.’ 90% or more of what a child learns lifelong is through modeling. 5% of lifelong learning is through instruction.

Your challenge is to ‘assume competence’ and model it in your relationship with the child, guiding them with very brief moments of mostly nonverbal encouragement and facilitation only when asked for or needed. Avoid doing for the child things they can do for themselves. Facilitate when appropriate their wonder and experimentation. Leave praise on the shelf. Of course they produce excellent results. That is what nature expects by design.
As always, the change that is needed must come from you.

Don’t worry. Celebrate every moment of your life and so will your child.

Michael Mendizza

Responding to Touch the Future and National Institute for PLAY’s important PLAY SCIENCE DVD:

Creative play is the foundation for social-political freedom and liberty which is not possible when abnormal brain development is induces by a failure of affcctional bonding in the maternal-infant –child relationship.

Depression, stereotypical rocking behaviors and compulsive stimulus-seeking behaviors, all produced by sensory deprivation to the developing brain that is induced by failed maternal-infant/child affectional bonding, robs the developing offspring of the capacity to engage in touching and body movement that is essential for creative/spontaneous play; and to later development of behaviors associated with personal freedom and liberty.

Violence, particularly child abuse, is another destructive consequence of these early life experiences that prevents the development of creative/spontaneous play, which is the foundation for social-political freedom and liberty.

Figure 1, a photo montage, illustrates the pathological emotional behaviors induced by early
deprivation of physical affection. Figure

2 illustrates the avoidance of physical contact with other animals and humans in mother-deprived monkeys; and positive affectional behaviors in monkeys reared with their mothers.

Table 1 presents how our Two Cultural Brains are formedby Pain and Pleasure, which determines the kind of Culture we become.

Explore the full essay

13 February 2011

Hi Jim,
Just want to make sure you saw this study by http://linlab.med.nyu.edu/members.html Dayu Lin at New York University that corroborates your own studies and the work you have been doing for over four decades. Here is the Nature summary of the study: http://www.nature.com/nature/journal/v470/n7333/full/nature09736.html

Excerpt:
Immediate early gene analysis and single unit recordings from VMHvl during social interactions reveal overlapping but distinct neuronal subpopulations involved in fighting and mating. Neurons activated during attack are inhibited during mating, suggesting a potential neural substrate for competition between these opponent social behaviours.

"The mating circuit acts like a gate on the aggression circuit and actively suppresses nearby fighting neurons when there is a potential mate around," says Lin.

Peace through pleasure
Susan M. Block, Ph.D.

Thanks Susan for the reference. The reciprocal inhibitory relationship between Pain and Pleasure and Peace and Violence have been known for a long time. It is great to know that “mating circuits” actively suppress “nearby fighting neurons” in the mouse brain.

The scientific history of this relationship goes back to the 1950s with the studies of Robert G. Heath, M.D., Sc.D. at Columbia University and continued as Chairman, Department of Psychiatry and Neurology, Tulane University Medical School. His edited 1964 textbook The Role of Pleasure In Behavior is a classic in the field.

More
James W. Prescott, Ph.D.

In the spring of 2010 a small group, including the editor of Joe’s latest book and David B. Chamberlain, PhD, a leader in the field of prenatal intelligence and memory, gathered in Ojai California to explore with Joseph Chilton Pearce his Collected Works.

Throughout his life Joe shunned speaking about himself. For the first time, with this close group, Joe explored what was happening in his life and life around him as he wrote each of his major publications beginning with Crack in the Cosmic Egg.

I recently released the third edition of Magical Parent – Magical Child co-authored with Joseph Chilton Pearce. If you have not read it – I encourage you to do so now.

From the forward to the third edition:

Magical Parent – Magical Child began with a simple insight; The Future Is Now. If I am aggressive or kind today chances are I will be the same way tomorrow and my children will be too. If I want to bring about real change, a new pattern or possibility, a baby step forward in evolution it must take place now, this moment. By changing how I think, feel and act - now - I create a different next moment. If I don’t change now - I will be tomorrow what I am today.

Gandhi said; ‘be the change we want to see in others’. This insight brings that change, which is the future, into the present. Right now is where all the action is. Now is the only chance we’ve got.

Joseph Chilton Pearce added depth to this basic insight when he described the ‘model imperative’ in his bestselling book, The Magical Child. Each of us represents vast capacities, more and greater than ever imagined. The awakening and development of each capacity requires a model-environment to serve as a catalyst for that potential’s opening and development. No model – no development. That is the ‘model imperative’.

Becoming a Magical Parent is not really different from becoming a world class athlete or singer. All we need is a safe space to practice and experienced mentors (the model-imperative). Magical Parenting means really playing the game called being a parent. When we are really playing, that is, in the state of authentic play failure isn’t possible. Unlike high stakes testing or the World Series, given a safe place to practice and experienced mentors, meeting every challenge becomes an opportunity to expand and develop our capacity to meet every challenge. There are no right or wrong answers. The score of the day is irrelevant. Rather, the goal is continuing expansion of capacity and potential which takes placed naturally in the optimum state called play.

An educator used Magical Parent – Magical Child as the text for her class. She asked a few probing questions. You may find them of interest.